


Ancient Youth (or 4 Times Wander's Age Was Suspected and One Time They Actually Just Ask Him)

by Orbal Juice (Originia)



Category: Wander Over Yonder
Genre: 4+1, Ancient!Wander, Character Development, Gen, ambiguous timeline, and other people are catching on, he old, how old?, i nominate sylvia and wander for best friendship, just... old, pls give them an award, wander is oblivous until he's not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-06
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-07-21 20:20:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7402480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Originia/pseuds/Orbal%20Juice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wander is many, many thousands of years old, but he doesn't see that as too important in the grand scheme of things. Which means, of course, no one around him knows. </p><p>No one knows... but those close to him are maybe starting to catch on.</p><p>(Short snippets of the main 4 stumbling upon the possibility that Wander is maybe a little bit ancient and well, the disbelief that comes with it.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sylvia

**Author's Note:**

> Ancient!Wander is best Wander.
> 
> Wanted to do one of those 5+1 stories but couldn't think of a fifth one so here I am with the lesser known but just as valid 4+1.

She usually didn't think too much of it. Sometimes her version of a planet name and his didn't quite match up. No big deal. She was probably the one in the wrong. Sylvia found that she never really much cared.

But today had been something else altogether.

Sure she was used to Wander pointing out planets and giving them some strange name. Something entirely different than the name she had grown up with as a young Zbornak. Wander – somehow – always seemed to know the names of _all_ planets they had ever visited or thought of visiting. He loved talking about them. About the people on them. About the cities and towns and forests and lakes on them. His supply of stories seemed endless.

But Sylvia was far less used to finding out she had been calling _an entire system _of planets and stars – one _right next door_  to her own native corner of the galaxy – the _wrong names_.__

She couldn't believe it.

In fact, she didn't believe it. That's why here and now, in the middle of the night, she had dug out her old Galax-V5 Navigator. Sure it was a few years out of date, but it would do.

She powered the old thing on. It hummed softly before issuing a series of loud beeps. She cringed and tried to muffle the sound under her hands. Obviously the navigator was unhappy at being ignored these past few years. Planet names or not, Wander sure knew his way around the galaxy.

She chanced a glance at off to where Wander was resting. He had shifted slightly in the hat, but was settling back down, still asleep. Sylvia let out a soft sigh. The navigator finished its powering on sequence. It sat silently in her hands, waiting to be used.

Sylvia didn't want to question Wander about the planets. One, because he had a heart of glass and would likely tell her whatever she wanted to hear as long as she was happy. And two, on the off chance that she was actually right, Sylvia found herself uncomfortable with the idea of telling her buddy that his planetary geography was a few degrees south of okay. It was one of his favourites things to talk about (aside from Lord Hater), and – while occasionally exhausting – his ongoing admiration of the galaxy and everything in it was one of the many things Sylvia loved about her friend. She would hate to put any kind of damper on it.

Looking down at the navigator, she typed out the name to one of the planets Wander had been gushing about today. A place she had always known as Tlurin but that he called Klavost. Like she had been low-key expecting, his version pinged with a result.

Grumbling, she selected the option, just to see how wrong she was.

[archived]

Klavost (Obsolete)

System: Zdarnion Cluster

Inhabited: Yes

Primary Native Species: Tlurises

Primary Languages: Tlurinese, Basic

  


{This result has been archived. For current results please reference Tlurin.}

She read the snippet, then read it again. Her brow furrowed. Curiosity spiked, she tried another one of Wander's planet names.

Yvowry. Search. Ping, result.

[archived]

Yvowry (Obsolete)

System: Zdarnion Cluster

Inhabited: Yes

Primary Native Species: Yvoons, Klondhyer

Primary Languages: Haelvertise, Klondharian, Basic

  


{This result has been archived. For current results please reference _Haelverton_.}

Sylvia's brow furrowed. She only remember one other name Wander had used today. She had to try it.

Ohergo.

_Did you mean **Ohuergho**?_

Sure, Sylvia thought, rolling her eyes. Ping, result. She selected it.

[archived]

Ohuergho (Obsolete)

System: Zdarnion Clus--

Sylvia dismissed the result.

How strange. She was... she was right. Her planet names were right. And Wander's were... well, not _wrong_ , just obsolete? That was... odd. Sylvia frowned. It was a peculiar mistake, because it was almost as if her buddy had learned the names from some... older source.

She brought the first one back up again. Klavost. Expanding the article even further, she scrolled until she found something that looked like the planet's history.

There, right there, at the end of the archived article.

_After a long period of war that lasted 73 cycles, Klavost reformed and was renamed Tlurin during the year 17884 AIU (After Intergalactic Union) in honour or Tlurin (city). For more information about Tlurin (city), see **the Klavostian fire**._

Sylvia blinked, then reread the last two sentences.

"17884?" she mumbled to herself. "Well _no wonder_ I've never heard of Klavost. That's nearly, what? Two thousands years ago?" She frowned. "So then why..." She hummed, glancing over to Wander. "Weird."

Thoughts straying towards far fetched ideas, she dismissed the article and powered down the navigator. So Wander seemed to be using old planet names. No big deal. He probably... read them somewhere. Because the alternative was a little bit impossible and Sylvia found herself not really wanting to deal with that tonight.

Shrugging off the thoughts took more work than she thought it would, but she managed it, and eventually she curled up next to her friend in hopes of some shut-eye.

Tomorrow they were going to visit a few of those planets and knowing Wander, she would have to be awake and alert to stop him from getting into trouble.


	2. Peepers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peepers is very good at being in denial.

He couldn't believe he had been called over for _this_.

Peepers stared at his boss' computer. The one Hater claimed to be broken. The one Hater was currently yelling at him to fix. The computer that was entirely _not broken_ but that simply displayed the following message.

## Intergalactic Species Catalogue

Search: wander

Your search - **wander** \- did not match any species on record.

Suggestions:  


  * Make sure that all words are spelled correctly.  

  * Try different keywords.  

  * Try more general keywords.



Peepers slowly looked over to Hater.

"Um, sir. Might I ask what you're trying to do here?"

Hater rolled his eyes. "Uh, what does it LOOK like I'm doing?"

Peepers looked slowly back at the search term. "You wouldn't happen to be trying to find out Wander's species, would you?"

Hater sighed dramatically. "Sometimes I don't even know why I hired you— YES of COURSE I am. Weaknesses, Peepers!" he yelled suddenly. "I'm going to find out Wander's weakness! And _then_ we'll see who's laughing!" His fist smashed down next to his laptop. "And guess what, it _won't_ be him!"

Peepers looked at Hater, then back to the screen.

Your search - **wander** \- did not match any species on record.

"Sir do you know _how_ to use a search engine?"

Hater glared. "Of COURSE I know HOW— what kind of question is that!?" He gestured violently to his computer. "You put the thing you're looking for IN the stupid searching rectangle and it searches for your stupid thing! BUT IT'S NOT WORKING!"

Peepers took a cautionary step back. "Well sir," he started. "You're not wrong, exactly. But uh..."

"OF COURSE I'M NOT WRONG! IF THIS COMPUTER WASN'T BROKEN THEN THERE WOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM. GAHHHH."

A few bolts of static discharge zipped through the air. Peepers looked worriedly to the computer.

"Sir _please_. Your laptop—"

"MY LAPTOP IS STUPID AND YOU NEED TO FIX IT."

Peepers rubbed his eye. "Sir, your search isn't—" He paused, and reevaluated his sentence. "Can I try using it then, please?"

Hater sat down hard on his bed and rolled over, back now facing Peepers. His shoulders hunched inwards. "URGH! _Fine_. That's what I called you here for anyway," he said, words fading to a grumble.

Peepers hesitated for only a fraction of a second before hopping on the bed next to Hater. He pulled the large laptop over to him. Shaking his head, he highlighted 'wander' and started typing over it. 'Small', 'Short Fur', and 'Orange' all took its place before he paused.

Not that he cared in the slightest, but he wondered if all of Wander's species were orange. He realized that it was probably unlikely, but given that he was drawing a blank on any further descriptors, Peepers gave a small shrug and pressed search.

The results were quick. Two-hundred and seventeen indirect matches and four direct matches.

His brief elation quickly deflated as he started scanning the results.

"Sir, we have some matches on Wander's description, but—"

Hater immediately perked up. "Oooh, ooooh! What are his weaknesses! Tell me!" He nearly pushed Peepers aside, and the two ended up squished together in front of Hater's laptop. "Wait, none of these look like him."

"Sir that's what I was trying to tell—"

"Peepers this is USELESS. Orange picayu puffs? Sunshine Monkeytons?" Hater's fists clenched, and Peepers quickly skirted back a couple feet to avoid any damage. "Where is _Waaaannnderrrr_?"

"I don't know sir. We may just need to refine our search."

"UGH this is so STUPID."

Peepers hesitated. "It's... not entirely stupid." Peepers scratched at the underside of his eye, cautiously inching back up to the laptop. "This is actually — all things considered — not a bad plan. Learning more about the enemy is a valid strategy. You just need to, uh, persevere."

Hater sighed. "But that's so much _work_."

Peepers tried not to roll his eye. He moved back to the keyboard, and Hater slumped next to his side. "Just try your best to push through, sir."

Hater lasted five minutes before literally rolling right off the bed. Peepers stared at the vacated spot in mild concern until the sound of the gaming console pinged into existence. Of course. The remainder of the time was spent listening to mediocre blaster effects and Hater's consistent complaining.

"I've got nothing sir." Peepers finally admitted, an hour gone by. He pushed the laptop away, laying back on the bed. "Either he looks drastically different than the rest of his species, or he's one-of-a-kind."

Some _pew pew's_ and muffled curses answered his admission.

"Sir..."

He heard a grunt. And then, "Er... yeah. Hold that thought C-Peeps... Stupid level. Stupid enemies..."

Peepers sighed and sat back up. The laptop met his gaze.

Peepers hated losing, even to electronic devices.

"What am I missing here?" he mumbled, hunching back over the large screen. His search terms now read 'Small', 'Furry', 'Energetic', 'Nomad', 'Friendly', and 'Orange'.

There was still one more thing he could try... but it would probably lead to countless results to sift through and really, he couldn't imagine it being the answer.

By default the results were filtered by _species in known-existence_. Clearly there was no way to look up species that hasn't been discovered or categorized yet, but there was an option for extinct and/or ancestral species. Peepers stared at it, and then, with a healthy dose of skepticism and a small inkling of discomfort, checked that option.

He pressed Search.

The laptop made short work of the request, and Peepers was right. There were thousands of results. The scope was just far too wide.

He skimmed the first page, fairly convinced that it was a dead end. But just as he was about to close the application altogether an entry caught his attention.

### Space Nomads1

Not official title. No known official title exists.

Also called Star Nomads, Star Travellers, more. Unknown species first noted in 249 BIU (Before Intergalactic Union, previously known as The Early Expansion Period). Origin: unknown. Planet: unknown. Lifespan: unknown. Space Nomads are thought to be a rare nomadic species defined by smaller stature and brightly coloured coats, usually in reds, oranges, and blues. They are extremely versatile and adaptive, and have been seen in a variety of ecological conditions leading to the assumption that Space Nomads are a [generalist species](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generalist_and_specialist_species). There have been no recorded simultaneous sighting, however matching records from... 

Peepers blinked. "What's this?" he muttered to himself. It sounded... almost appropriate, if a little vague. The year threw him off because... well. "That's over twenty thousand years ago." Peepers hesitated momentarily before selecting the result, bringing up the full entry. It was surprisingly short. There were no images.

He scanned down the article.

... no known births. In addition, there have been no records of a Space Nomad's aging process or infancy. The lack of sufficient data has led specialists to assume a vast lifespan however there is no information to back this claim. Sightings are extremely rare and have significantly reduced in the last decamillennium. The last confirmed sighting of a presumed Space Nomad dates at 14792 AIU (After Intergalactic Union) on **Siigrth**. Presumed extinct.

Fact has been difficult to separate from fiction due to the large amount of stories and tales that follow...

Peepers closed the article.

"Nope." He closed the laptop. "Definitely not."

"What was that C-Peeps?" Hater looked at him from his spot on the floor. A big 'You Lose' slowly spun on the TV screen behind him. He seemed annoyed.

Peepers through about the contents of that article. An ancient species, presumed extinct. "Nothing sir."

Hater frowned. "But you found those weaknesses, right?"

An ancient species, no known information, let alone weaknesses. Preposterous, really. "Ah, no sir."

" _Peepers_..." That tone didn't bode well.

Peepers thought about the wandering weirdo. Ancient species, no known information, presumed extinct. It was impossible. "You _saw_ that we weren't getting any matches, sir. There's nothing in here about him."

Hater stood up to his full height. "That's why _you_ were supposed to _fix_  it!"

Peepers couldn't believe this. "Sir it wasn't broken _in the first place_." He stood up as well, not that it did him much good. "There was _nothing to fix_. Wander isn't in here."

"It so totally WAS and YOU are INCOMPETENT!"

Peepers threw his hands into the air, sliding off the bed. "Sir, I don't even know why I try anymore." He gestured blindly towards one of the external walls to the ship. " _Wander_  is a small furry creature that wouldn't stand _a chance_  against your powers if you would only just _try_. Weaknesses or not." He marched right up to Hater. " _No one_  would stand a chance against you, sir, if you only just focus on doing evil."

Hater folded his arms. "Excuse _you_ , I am focused on doing evil like, 100 percent of the time."

Peepers wished that were so. "Sir," he started. "Before all this... this, I was working on a plan."

"Are you trying to change the subject?"

"There's a planet ripe for your conquering. Maybe we could try focusing on that? You know, be evil?"

"But what about _Wander_?"

Peepers sighed. This was going to be the rest of life, he just knew it. " _And_ ," Peepers stressed. "Wander may very well be there. So... you could try... _exploiting_  the fact that he's weak to flashy green lightning powers?"

"He is?"

"Er, yeah. Definitely."

"Well why didn't you say so sooner, Peepers!" Hater turned to the door, striding with large, purposeful steps. "That is _exactly_  what I needed to hear. Let's go destroy Wander!"

Peepers followed him. "You mean conquer the planet?"

"Yes, and that too!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What didn't make it into this chapter:
> 
> Hater: _Um, this piece of junk isn't working. So like do your job and fix it._
> 
> Peepers: _Sir, you do realize we have tech support for this kind of thing? This isn't my jo--_
> 
> Hater: _PEEPERS!_
> 
> Peepers: _YES SIR! ON IT SIR!_


	3. Hater

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hater is confused and Wander doesn't answer the right questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hater is stupidly difficult to right, and _especially_ so in this situation.
> 
> I apologize in advance for the likely out-of-character behaviour, somewhat all over the place chapter.

The cave was large and echo-y, which was kinda cool, but Hater had bigger things on his mind.

Namely, the stupidly large cave painting that took up the entire far wall.

Hater stared at it. Well, more so glared. Because while the colors and shapes and swirls were all pretty cool looking, the image at the center pretty much ruined it all.

"Well would'ya look at that! It looks just like me!"

And there was Wander. Hater shot a bolt of green lightning towards his most hated foe, which missed. Like usual. He glared at Wander, then back at the mural. "It totally doesn't," he said, eyes locked on the distinctive orange blob in the middle of the picture, green-blob hat and white-blob smile included. It made no sense.

Wander, despite being annoying and stupid and gross, was right.

It was _obviously_ a drawing of him.

In some ancient cave painting. On some random planet.

"It doesn't even look like you," Hater lied. "And anyways, who cares. This is stupid and old."

"Well I think it's pretty neat. I gotta show Syl," Wander said, and then a beat later, "Oh, hello there!"

Against his better judgement, Hater whipped around. An old inhabitant stood not ten paces away, and further behind them a group of strange looking people. "Um," Hater said, lightning cackling from his palms in surprise. "When did you weirdos get here?"

The inhabitant looked from Hater to Wander. "We have always been here," they said. "Waiting."

 _Gross_ , Hater thought. What creeps.

Wander was suddenly at his side.

"Wowie! We must'a missed you folks when we came zippin' in here then. How do ya' do!"

The inhabitant — shaman? soothsayer? Hater didn't know — stared, and then in a surprisingly humble voice said, "You have returned."

"What," said Hater.

"Pardon me?" said Wander.

The strange inhabitant advanced. "Traveller, you have come back," they repeated. The weird group behind them followed at a slower pace, mumbling amongst themselves. "Your return has been prophesized by our people for centuries."

Hater let the spark at fingers and crackle up his arm. He didn't care if Wander was standing right there. Actually, it was better that he was. Hater hoped he got zapped. "What?" he said again.

"Oh. Really?" Wander looked from the soothsayer to the mural and then back to the soothsayer. Unfortunately, he seemed entirely unfazed by the green sparks. "Well golly gee, ain't that sure something. You folks are so thoughtful!"

Hater looked at Wander. "What," he said for a third time. Like before, he got no answer.

"Your kindness is as it was foretold. It is an honour to be in your presence," the soothsayer continued, and Hater nearly zapped the cryptic dude right then and there. "We owe you our prosperity, our livelihoods. For teaching our ancestors the way of peace."

"Oh, um, wow. It was nothin' really," Wander said, toe scuffing the ground almost sheepishly. "You really don't need'ta be sayin' all those special words. It was a pleasure to help."

Hater growled, looking back and forth from the old inhabitant to Wander. "Will somebody tell me what the _grop_ is going on here!?"

Wander shot him a quick glance, mouthing "sorry" before looking back to the old inhabitant. Hater blinked. What.

"You need not humble yourself," the soothsayer continued, still ignoring Hater, still acting as if Hater wasn't even there. Which, first of all, rude. And secondly, Hater was starting to find this whole conversation or whatever kind of... strange? And he had just about had enough. Hater went to stride forwards, lightning crackling, but suddenly Wander's arm was intertwined with his. He paused, glancing down at his sworn enemy... who, despite the contact, entirely ignored him.

"I'm nothing special or anything," Wander said to the inhabitants. Had they gotten closer? "I just like helping folks out, that's all." Hater tried to shake Wander off to no avail.

"To us, it has been the difference between what was once a dark, treacherous path and our salvation." The soothsayer made some kind of strange motion with their hands. "We will forever be in your debt. Please let us show you our thanks."

"Oh boy," Wander said softly, which was odd, because Wander never did anything softly. It was always loud and stupid and annoying and Hater really had no idea what was going on here.

"Seriously," Hater interjected to no reaction but Wander's grip tightening. "This is getting REALLY WEIRD and NO ONE'S TELLING ME WHAT'S GOING ON! ALSO—" He tried prying Wander off his arm, completely missing the look of contempt the old shaman shot his way. "—LET _GO_ OF ME!"

Wander held fast. "Er, this has been a, um, lovely meeting," he called out, ignoring Hater's efforts. "But if it is alright with you fine folks, my friend and I are just gonna head on our merry way."

"I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND!"

"Please," the soothsayer repeated. "We wish to show you our gratitude."

Hater couldn't believe this.

"That really won't be necessary—"

"We can have the ceremony ready by nightfall. You will be honoured most magnificently for your generosity and benevolence."

Hater couldn't believe he was being _continually_ ignored by these weird people. By _Wander_. By people he should have been conquering. People who should have been cowering in fear in front of him and not... not whatever was going on here. Really it was all just plain insulting. Almost like they had never heard of the Lord Hater, greatest the galaxy, number one superstar.

"That really,  _really_ won't be necessary." Wander took half a step backwards, and then suddenly was clambering up onto Hater's shoulder. "We're really just about to leave, see."

"Oh my _grop_ , seriously! G'off ME—"

"You cannot leave so soon," the soothsayer said over Hater's complaints. "We have barely begun to thank you for generosity." They closed the distance while a portion of the group behind them conversed in hushed voices, pointing towards both Wander and Hater as well as the main entrance to the cavern.

Hater felt Wander's fuzzy fingers twitch against his neck. "It was years ago," Wander called out politely. Forcibly. "And really, it was nothing special, I was just lendin' a helpin' hand, only the polite thing to do really and um Hater?"

The inhabitants were all moving in closer now, and Hater was having a difficult time choosing which one he was going to zap first. He figured it might as well be the old creep.

"Hater?" Wander repeated, very close to Hater's non-existent ears, and Hater totally, definitely did not jump.

"What?" he snapped, frustration and confusion having reached their max. Clearly he was in some weird alternate galaxy where nothing made sense and no one cared that he was the greatest number one super star. Ridiculous.

"Think maybe you could back away real slow like?"

And that was when Hater realized that the inhabitants were really quite close now, all spreading out like they had something or other planned. Hater took a step back. And then another. He really truly had no idea what was going on.

"Good, good," Wander said to him. And then louder. "Look we're really sorry but we just can't stay, I hope you folks understand." Then, quieter again, leaning up against Hater's head. "Um, there's a couple'a tunnels o'er behind us that I remember seeing when we came in here, but ah, I'm not so sure where they may go."

"You want me to run," Hater said. It was not a question.

"Please."

"Traveller," the soothsayer called, and Hater decided he had enough.

He took a step forwards. Wander squeaked.

"I don't know _WHO_ you're talking to!" he yelled, glaring straight at the soothsayer. "But this—" He poked Wander hard in the side. "—is WANDER." Wander made a soft noise which Hater ignore. "And _I AM LORD HATER!_ " He let the lightning flare up, fists clenched. "DUKE OF DESTRUCTION." A thunderbolt let loose, headed towards that stupid mural that had started this all. It left a nice dark scorch mark. "MONARCH OF MAYHEM." The soothsayer took a few steps back and Hater loomed. "NUMBER ONE SUPERSTAR AND GREATEST IN THE GALAXY. AND IF BY SOME MIRACLE YOU LOSERS HAD NOT HEARD OF ME BEFORE THEN YOU _BETTER_ REMEMBER IT NOW." He got right up in that old fart's face, having to lean down to do so. Wander let out another small squeak and clutched at his neck to keep from falling.

"And  _no one_ ," Hater growled, low and threatening. "Ignores Lord Hater."

This was going to be fun.

* * *

"Well that was nice of them to let us leave," Wander said happily. The mouth of the cave lay behind them. The inhabitants had not followed them out.

 _Let_ was a strong word. There had been lightning, and shouting, and Hater had been none too gentle with the weird inhabitants who had all somehow revealed these giant-looking teeth and had tried to _bite_ him. Like, what the heck. How _gross_.

And yet despite that all, Hater had missed each and every inhabitant he had tried to zap into smithereens. Probably thanks to Wander's loud exclamations and constant tugs on on his lightning bolts. Which,  _rude_. Those were sensitive. They still hurt, not that Hater was going to let Wander know.

Speaking on Wander.

"Get. _Off_. _Of_. _Me_."

"Oh right, sorry 'bout that!" Wander laughed, patting Hater's head a couple times before finally slipping off his shoulder. "Thanks for the lift, buddy."

"We are NOT BUDDIES!" Hater clenched his fists and turned on the fuzzy nomad, but stopped just short of striking out. He mustered up what little restraint he had and glared down at Wander's inquisitive face. " _What_ was all that," he asked, voice painfully controlled. "Back there."

"Ahh," Wander replied. "Well, I was lil' bit concerned, you see, about them grabbing me."

"What?"

"Usually Syl's around, and well she's always so nice about letting me hop on her when things start gettin' a lil'... intense." Wander clasped his hands behind his back, twisting a little every which way. "Sorry about just climbin' on ya' without any forewarning there, Hatey. I really appreciated it though!"

"Wait what are you even talking about? I'm talking about those losers back there! They were like, _worshipping_ you or something!"

"Oh. Um." Wander' deflated some. "Haha, er. I don't know? I guess these people are very... passionate?"

Hater frowned. "That's stupid. You're stupid."

"Well now," Wander admonished. "Let's not be rude about towards people or their cultures." He paused, corners of his mouth turning downwards. "Though their customs do, um, concern me. Just a little."

"What do you mean," Hater asked before he could stop himself.

Wander took a deep breath. "Welllllll," he begun, and then in all one go: "You see I didn't remember it at first — and well maybe they've since changed their ways but I _reeeeaally_ didn't want to stick around to find out — anyways, I'm pretty sure that last time I was here — uh, whenever that was — it was seen among these people as the _utmost_ honour to be chosen for their, er, sacred ritual, which is kind of this sort of willing sacrifice, and I'm _preeeetty_ sure it's actually to be eat—"

A familiar voice. "WANDER!?"

"Sylvia!" Wander exclaimed, suddenly all smiles. The zbornak's voice had sounded from just beyond a small ridge, back near where Hater thought the Skullship had landed. But Hater could have cared less about that.

"Waitwaitwait," he said, hands flapping. " _What_  was that about—"

But Wander was already scampering off, just like that. The nomad spun around just long enough to shout back, "Thanks Hater! Later Hater!" and then was gone over the ridge. He could hear the muffled sounds of that zbornak's relieved reprimands and Wander's excited chatter, but found himself unable to move.

He was so confused.

Hater wondered, belatedly, if this had all been some elaborate ruse set up by Wander. It sure felt that way. Some kind of weird plan all to try and make Hater feel like he was insignificant or something like that. Well it was dumb. He stared at the ridge, then looked back at the stupid florping cave that had been the start of this mess.

"You SUCK!" he yelled towards the rocky landscape. It made him feel better.

He fumbled with his glove to activate the communicator.

"Peepers!" he yelled into his hand.

Static. And then, "Sir, yes sir!"

"Round up the troops! We're leaving."

"But sir, the inva—"

"I don't care!" Hater stomped towards where he thought his ship would be. "This place is stupid and confusing and the people are _weird_ and I don't wanna rule them anyways. Meet me on Skullship, we're leaving." His hand clenched into a fist, effectively cutting off any further communication.

He was going to bury this event deep, deep in his mind and never think about it again. Eurgh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What didn't make it into this chapter:
> 
> Hater: _Wait, so the zbornak wasn't here so you climbed on **me** instead?_
> 
> Wander: _Well Hater, I don't know if anyone's told you, but you **are** rather tall. Quite imposing, if I do say so myself. You did magnificently._


	4. Sylvia, Peepers, and Hater

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The three come to a conclusion and Wander is pretty oblivious to it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing four characters at once? Yikes.

"Well that's it, we're stuck." Peepers said. Sylvia watched as he turned away from the large stone door. It absolutely dwarfed him. "There's no way we're getting in."

"Or out," Sylvia added. A near exact replica of the door stood tall at the opposite end of the hall. It had been open when they came in. It wasn't open any more. The symbols that adorned it seemed to give off a faint glow.

"This is the worst raid ever!"

"Worst _adventure_ ever," Sylvia corrected, if only for Wander's sake. Hater didn't seem to care. He lashed out at the door, hitting it with a concentrated bolt of lightning. The stone remained entirely unscathed, not even a darkened mark. Hater and Sylvia glared at it.

Must be some real old magic.

Hater yelled once more, a wordless sound of frustration, then abruptly sat down, arms crossed and shoulders hunched. "This is stupid," he said.

"This is so pretty!" Wander exclaimed. It was to no one in particular. He was still standing in the middle of the grand hall, a look of awe on his fuzzy face. Always the optimist. Sylvia wasn't sure he knew they were stuck yet.

The whole thing had been pitched to them as an adventure. By Hater and Peepers. Hater and Peepers, asking them on an adventure. Hah!

Sylvia knew better, of course. But Wander had literally jumped for joy at the prospect. A old temple with an ancient history? The bestest greatest idea ever, according to him. And _of course_ they _surely_ wouldn't _take_ anything from it, no, that would be _bad_. Peepers had been very empathetic on that point.

And Wander bought it all.

 _Oh look at us four,_ Wander had said to Sylvia. _We really are becomin' friends! Syl ain't this just beautiful!_

Sylvia had agreed that it sure was something alright.

She had then literally pulled Peepers away and had demanded the truth. He had been _more_ than happy to oblige.

Yes, it was an ancient temple. An no, it wasn't some kind of trap. There was an artifact, something deep in the depths of the structure. Something that was rumoured to be almighty and powerful and required the direst of situations to activate.

 _We're not exactly in a dire situation here, pipsqueak,_ Sylvia had said, interested despite herself.

 _But we **were** , with Dominator,_ he had replied frankly. _And we could be again. With your idiot and my idiot, who knows what kind of cosmic forces they might unwittingly pit against us. It's good to have fallbacks._

There were a lot of _we's_ and _us's_ in that argument, which becoming more and more common between the four of them. Sylvia was entirely sure how she felt about that, but she had to admit Peepers had a point.

So she had told him as much, somewhat unwillingly. And then, because that little nerd had looked smug, she had quickly tacked on, _So you need our help._

 _What, pshhh, noooo._ But his arguments hadn't lasted long and eventually he spilled the truth. _The rumours say we need someone... pure of heart. And uh..._

Wander. Of course.

And so here they were. Stuck. Pure of heart sure doesn't do much against solid rock wall.

"Why'all lookin' all gloomy over here!" Wander skipped over, happy as could be. Sylvia grimaced. He definitely hadn't realized their predicament yet. "Turn those frowns upside down! We got some more adventuring to do, team!"

"WE ARE NOT A TEAM!" Hater yelled, standing up in a huff. "And ANYWAYS, we're stuck. Here! With YOU. ARGHHHH."

"Stuck? Pshhhh. That's not what you call hangin' out with your best buddies!"

"WE ARE NOT YOUR BUDDIES!"

"Oh you," Wander said coyly, slinking towards Hater. "I thought we were past all the pretendin' and stuff~"

"Stop! Both of you!" Peepers yelled, his tiny stature not hindering his volume in the slightest. "You." He pointed at Wander. "The last thing we need here is your... shenanigans. And _you_ —" He rounded on Hater. "Behave."

"But Wander—"

" _Enough._ "

Sylvia stifled a laugh. The little nerd reminded her of her mother. Out loud, she said, "This is great and all, but we're still stuck in here."

"That's what I WAS SAYING," Hater said, glaring at Peepers. He then turned his glare back to Wander. Wander grinned. Nothing unusual there. Hater made a noise of disgust before marching over to where their tiny group was apparently congregating. "I am _not_ going to be stuck down here with _him_."

He was being practically civil. No fighting or chasing. Wander must be so proud.

Wander slid up next to Sylvia, all smiles. "We're not _stuck_ ," he said, almost laughing.

"Uh, _yes we are_ ," Hater countered.

Wander looked around, focusing on the very large, very closed door. "Hmmm, nope!"

Sylvia wanted to give her buddy the benefit of doubt. "Oookay, so how we gonna get outta here then, buddy?"

Wander did laugh this time. "Through that door, silly."

Sylvia sighed. This was definitely turning out to be one of those days.

"Er." Peepers spoke up, looked from Sylvia to Wander. "Unless you happen to know ancient — what is this, Jaergûwre? — then yes, we _are_. Look around you—"

"Oh I have been looking," Wander pipped up. "It's magnificent, isn't it?"

"That's not—" Peepers pulled a hand down his eye, looking exasperated. "We're are locked in! This door won't open. That door closed behind us. We're all going to _die in here!_ Do you understand!"

"If we have to eat each other I vote Wander goes first," Hater supplied helpfully.

Peepers took a deep breath, in, then out. "We're dead," he said.

Sylvia kind of wanted to agree.

"Alright there," she consoled instead, giving Peepers a single pat on the shoulder. "Keep it together." Hater made a gagging sound.

" _Welllll_ ," Wander called out suddenly. He was no longer beside her. "It's not quite Jaergûwre, mister Peepers, but you were close!" He was standing by the door, hand on chin, calmly inspecting the large glyphs.

"What?" Peepers said.

"This is Jotunarwre, kinda like its distant cousin or something if I remember correctly. They share a lot of words."

"What?" Hater said.

"But gosh, I do not remember its runes being so _big_." Wander started pacing backwards, humming lightly. "But you were right, Peepers, if we didn't know Jotunarwre then I _suppose_ we could'a been in some kinda trouble. I mean, it says right there at the top that only those who recite the entreaty can enter the temple."

"What" Sylvia asked, desperately trying to follow her buddy's words. Wander backed right into her, so she caught him and plopped him down on her saddle. A natural reaction. He gave a lighthearted laugh.

"We just gotta say the keywords," he said happily. "The ones right there on the door."

Sylvia took a few steps back. He was right, the symbols were huge. She had just assumed these things were fancy designs or something like that.

"You telling me you can, er, read this," Peepers asked, almost hesitantly.

"I'm a bit rusty but the entreaty is pretty simple."

And then, without further warning, Sylvia felt Wander stand on her back.

"We be weary travellers," he called out, voice sounding a little... strange. "Looking for respite! A promise of reverence — uh, no wait — of _deference_ , we readily provide. No harm shall befall thee who permit us entry. Please grant our alight." He paused, and then, in a normal volume, "Or at least I think that's what it says." He sat back down.

A hush of silence followed. Hater coughed.

The rumble seemed to begin deep in the stone. The symbols, which had previously glowed with a very soft light, flared brilliantly. Sylvia swore quietly under her breath and shielded her eyes. She didn't envy Peepers at the moment. He had probably been temporarily blinded. All she could hear was the grinding sound of rock on rock.

When she opened her eyes, blinking away the brightness, the giant slab of stone had opened.

Well then.

"Woohoo! That was exciting!" Wander leaped down from Sylvia's back, skirting right on over to the new entryway. "I don't remember it being so flashy!"

"Um," Hater said. Sylvia agreed. (Peepers probably would have as well if he could see.)

"This place sure does look different from the last time I saw it!" Wander continued, walking straight into the newly revealed room without any hesitation. "There are so many new things to look at!"

Then he was out of sight. Sylvia felt a brief spike of concern, but given that she could still hear him prattling on about the architecture of the place, she wasn't too worried.

It was Hater, finally, who said what they surely had to be all thinking.

"What. The heck."

Sylvia's sentiments, summed up nicely. Hater was on a roll. She wondered if he would continue and ask the question that had once again popped up in her mind.

"Uh, zbornak?" Ah Peepers, of course. "How um, _old_ is Wander, exactly?"

And there it was.

"That's a good question," she said evenly, looking towards the open room her buddy had disappeared into. She could still hear him babbling away. She started forwards.

"You don't know, do you," Peepers said after a couple beats of silence. It wasn't a question.

"Not a clue."

She stopped under the new doorway, looking up and around. This place was humongous. She wondered about the people who had made it all. Maybe she should ask Wander about it some time — it seemed like he might have known the guys.

"What the heck," Hater said again. It wasn't said to anyone in particular. He passed Sylvia on his way through the door. "This is stupid. Wander is stupid. This is like that florping cult thing all over again..."

Sylvia didn't even want to know.

Peepers paused next to her, bringing up the rear. He was still rubbing at his eye. "You don't seem to surprised."

Sylvia blinked down at him. "Neither do you."

"Hmm, well." He looked away. "I may have had my suspicions."

"Me too, I guess."

"You don't sound too happy about it."

Sylvia glared at him. He was being pretty presumptuous today, wasn't he. Sylvia knew she should accuse him of being friendly, sounding concerned. It would throw him right off the subject. But instead she found herself saying, "I kinda wish he would just say something about, you know. To me."

Peepers stared at her for a moment. It was hard to read him, him just being a _eyeball_ an all. "You could ask."

Sylvia huffed. "Oh c'mon, don't say that like it's the obvious thing, you nerd."

"Yeah well," he said, wiping a bit of nonexistent dirt off his gloves. "Until you figure it out, we gotta convince your mysterious idiot to nab an ancient artifact." He started forwards. "So move it or lose it, zbornak."

Right back to the goal at hand. Sylvia expected nothing less of him. What a nerd.

She pulled herself together.

"Says the one with the tiny legs," she called after him. She entered into the next room, trying to ignore the sounds of the door closing behind her. She easily overtook Peepers, ignoring his protests as she followed the sounds Wander's chatter and Hater's grumbles. She should catch up to Wander before he got himself into trouble.

"Ooooh look'it, a pretty red button. I'm gonna press it!"

A pause. Then the entire temple rumbled.

Or, _more_ trouble. Sylvia swore under her breath and broke into a run. Such is life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What didn't make it into this chapter:
> 
>  
> 
> _Sylvia's sentiments, summed up nicely. Hater was on a roll. She wondered if he would continue and ask the question that had once again popped up in her mind._
> 
>  
> 
> Hater: _Guys... I think Wander... I think Wander is a cult leader._
> 
> Peepers: _No you IDIOT he's OLD!_


	5. Wander

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wander answers the right questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow some characters (Peepers) just don't (Hater) want to be written (Peepers I swear to god).
> 
> Not sure which ones though.
> 
> Also I immensely regretted my decision to write _five goddamn parts_ for one chapter.

###  **5.1 Sylvia**

Another planet, another wrong name. Sylvia didn't even consider correcting Wander. What would be the point? His planet's name had surely been right at _some_ point in history. That was more than good enough.

But this planet was devoid of life.

"They're... gone."

Wander's voice was small, thin.

Silvia realized then and there that he had been expecting an entirely different sort of planet.

She felt dumb. This place was barren. Her navigator had hinted at it but she had seen no reason to bring it up to Wander. She figured he would have known.

She was wrong.

The planet's surface was dusty. Her footsteps made small clouds, whirling in the stale air. Wander was quiet. She pulled out her navigator. Her throat felt dry and her tongue heavy.

"It's called Dbekwyn now," she said. "It means 'depleted', in Qvarenese."

Wander made a small noise.

"They left," she continued, "the Qvarens." And then, because it was right there on her navigator for her to read. "About 1800 years ago, when the planet could no loner sustain them." She took a breath. "It says here that they've gone on to assimilate into various other cultures across this galaxy. So you know, they're doing alright."

"They're okay?"

"Yeah buddy, the planet may not have made it but they got out okay."

There was a moment of silence, and then a soft breath of relief.

"The planet will survive," he said firmly. He slipped off her saddle onto the dry ground.

"Um." She looked around. The planet was dry and lifeless.

"It takes... some time. A long time. Sometimes a bit of luck. But planets are tough. They can recover." Wander dug down, into the dry dirt, and when he stood up Sylvia could see the darkened, richer soil underneath.

"Oh," Sylvia said. She watched as Wander rummaged in his his hat, finally plucking out a single seed. He crouched down and buried it carefully in the mound of rich dirt, finishing it off with a gentle pat.

"There," he said. "That'll help given it a lil' head start." He clambered back onto her back with a small smile.

Sylvia looked around. At the barren planet. At the place Wander had once visited, when it must have been teaming with life. "Can I ask you a question, buddy?"

Wander didn't hesitate. "Of course."

She looked at the planet and thought, _how long have you done this?_

She looked up at Wander and said, "what was this place like when you were here?"

Wander smiled brilliantly. "Oh it was beautiful! There were the magnificent trees, all yellows and reds, and the water was the prettiest green…"

Sylvia let him continue. It wasn't the question she had wanted to ask, but the answer held more than enough joy. She was happy he was happy.

She could ask another time, perhaps.

. . . 

###  **5.2 Peepers**

It was curious, certainly. But. It was Wander. And really, Peepers had far better things to focus on than the ridiculous realization that Wander was, well, _old_.

So, he ignored it, curiosity be damned.

But then that little weirdo had somehow, inexplicably, gotten hold of his communicator number. And from then on, at any odd time of day, he would be subjected to a handful of inconsequential questions posed with naive curiosity, and most surprisingly of all, Peepers answered them.

"Okay okay, last one."

"You said that last time."

"Psssh, noo." Wander's voice was a bit distorted coming through the communicator, but the joy was practically palpable. "But this time I pinky-promise. Okay so, where do watchdogs come from? I've only ever seen you guys on the Skullship! Do you have a planet? Are there others still there!?"

Peepers rolled his eye. "That was technically more than one question."

"Oh boo," Wander complained, sounding entirely undeterred. "You only have to answer one, I suppose."

Peepers looked down at his communicator and suddenly had an idea.

"Say I answer _all_ of them," he started, "will you answer one of mine?"

Just because he was ignoring the prospect didn't mean he wasn't going to let an opportunity like this slide.

"Well of course! It would only be fair!"

Peepers settled more comfortably in his little commander chair. "Alright then," he replied, feeling disproportionately deceitful. "I'll answer yours first." He held up three fingers, folding the first one down as he continued. "Yes watchdogs have a planet." Another finger. "All watchdogs aboard the Skullship must complete a rigorous week-long training program before leaving the planet." The final finger. "And yes others are still there. I would estimate that only about fifteen percent of all watchdogs end up on the Skullship. So there's a a whole bunch still lazing around there doing nothing important, I'm sure."

Wander was practically squealing. "Oh. My. Gosh! That is so cute! There's even more of you! This is amazing!"

It seemed like everything to Wander was amazing. Peepers wasn't fazed. "Yeah it's great," he said blandly. "So now for my question."

"Ah yes! Of course. You go right ahead. I promise I'll give ya' my bestest answer possible."

"Right," Peepers said. He was counting on it. But now that the moment had come he found he wasn't really sure what exactly he wanted to ask. He had been so preoccupied with ignoring the issue had had never really devised a so-called plan of attack.

Peepers held up his three fingers again, folding them down as he went. "Where do you come from? Do you have a planet? Are there others still there?"

The communicator went very silent for a long moment.

Peepers started to wonder if Wander had, despite his extremely politeness, hung up.

Then, a small cough. "Well now, mister Peepers, that's more than one question."

Peepers' lower lid formed the approximation of a wry smile. "You only have to answer one."

"Ah." Wander gave a small laugh. "You know mister Peepers, you can be pretty funny in your own kinda way." And then, far too in a far too cheeky voice, "I see why Sylvia likes you."

"What!?" Peepers briefly fumbled with the communicator, clutching it tightly. "No, I know a distraction when I see one. You stop that. I'm not going to fall for your tricks."

"Oh it wasn't a _distraction_ , just statin' the facts," Wander laughed.

Peepers gripped the communicator as tight as his little hands let him. "Look, are you going to answer my questions or not?"

"I think I hit a sensitive topic," Wander practically singed, laughing lightly. Then, with very little hurrah, he heaved a small sigh and said, "No planet."

Peepers stopped glaring at the tiny communicator, blinking once. "Wait, no planet?" he echoed, surprised at the sudden turn around.

Wander hummed, small and quiet-like. "No planet, mister Peepers. You know what they say. A planet's just a place t' hang your hat. And me, being a wanderer and all, well it kinda leads ya' to believe I wouldn't be havin' no place to be hangin' this here chapeau."

Peepers blinked a few more times, staring down at the communicator. That answer was... vague. He hazarded at a clarification. Surely that wouldn't count against his one question.

"Do _all_ star nomads have no planet?"

There was flare of static from the other line.

Peepers' lid furrowed. "Um, Wander?"

There was some more white noise, but Wander's voice quickly came back online.

"My apologies mister Peepers. Almost dropped Syl's phone there." Another small bout of static. "It's um, it's been a very long time since I heard _that_ name." There was a small huff of air that might have been a laugh. "And um, I'm terribly sorry but what was that you said again? I kinda... let go of the phone."

Peepers stayed quiet for a moment. _A long time_ , Wander had said. A _very long time_. Peepers was coming to realize that could mean any length of time, really. Wander hadn't even addressed the question but _a long time_ kind of already felt like an answer.

_How long has it been?_ he wanted to ask. Instead he shook his head. "Oh nothing important," he said, surprising himself. "You answered my question anyways. So everything's even."

"Oh! Really?"

Peepers coughed. "Yes, well, I'm sure you also got what you called for?"

"Oh yes!" And there was the excitement. Peepers hadn't realized how much it had dimmed only moments ago. "A planet full of you tiny watchdogs, it sounds wonderful! I must go there some day! Which galaxy is it in?"

Peepers sighed. _Of course_ there were more questions. Wander was relentless.

And well, maybe Peepers could continue asking a few of his own.

Some other time, perhaps.

. . .

###  **5.3 Hater**

All it took was a _bet ya' can't catch me_ and that stupid, aggravating smile.

Hater chased him. Of course he did. That was nothing new.

What _was_ new were the strange, tiny people they ran into not five minutes into it. Today's latest dose of Wander had happened on some outskirts-y type planet of the Qoworbu cluster. It was uninhabited. At least that's what Peepers' report had said. Uninhabited, and full of Qoworion goo, perfect for fuelling the blasters aboard the Skullship.

Expect, of course, this planet was clearly _not_ uninhabited. Wander was busy shaking every hand he could reach, to the ooh's and ahh's of the weird little peoples. It was disgusting.

"Okay gross," Hater grumbled, stomping right on over to where Wander was busy babbling on in what was decidedly _not_ Basic. He tried ignoring the tiny little hands pulling at his cloak. Double gross. He reached Wander and whacked his shoulder decisively.

"Caught you," he snarled. There, that would show him.

Wander turned towards him, grin full tilt. "Hatey! Can you believe it! These lil' folks live here!"

"Yeah _whatever_." Hater rolled his eyes. He could _see_ that, he wasn't stupid. "But I _caught_ you, I win." Where was his validation?

Wander had already turned back to the brightly coloured peoples. "Newly discovered species are a safe zone," he said happily. And then he was back to gibberish words and grand sweeping gestures. The peoples – Qoworions – whatever, were clearly in awe.

"What? You just made that up!" Hater yelled, unaware of the awed gazes turning his way. "No fair! You can't do that." His lightning flared up, unintentionally, sparking bright and green. A couple dry leaves by his feet briefly caught fire only to shrivel into ash.

Hater didn't realize how loud everyone had been until it was suddenly very quiet.

He looked around, surprised. Nearby Qoworions were looking at him in shock. And their nonsense babbling was now just picking up again and passing through the gathering crowd. Hater turned in a small circle, realizing he was suddenly the center of attention.

"What are they saying?" he asked. To Wander. Because that little weirdo was the only one who who could actually _speak_ his language.

"Magic!" Wander replied, looking absolutely overjoyed.

Hater blinked. "Huh?"

Wander grinned. "They're calling you magic," he clarified, looking around at the small people. Many were staring up at Hater. A few poked at the remains of the burnt leaves.

"Uh, I mean, _yeah_." Hater said. And then, "I guess." He took a couple steps away when one of the Qoworions tried grasping his gloved hand. Hater liked people rightfully idolizing him (he _was_ the greatest in the galaxy after all), but this kind of reverence was _weird_. "What, have the weirdos never seen lightning before?"

"Nope!" And then suddenly Wander was pointing to one Qoworion out of the crowd. "They want to know about the green glowing." He pointed to another, by the ashy leaves. "They want to know about the fire, though they didn't use that word. More like, hm, heat?" One more. "And this one's asking you why are you so tall!"

Hater turned, trying to keep up with Wander's queries. "Why do they even CARE!?" He turned to the last of the individuals Wander had pointed out. "I'm tall because I'm cool!" he yelled in the little alien's face. The Qoworion babbled something undecipherable in return.

This was stupid.

Wander laughed. "It's because we're new," he said happily. "This sort of thing tends to happen on planets like this. Folks are curious. Or at least the friendly ones."

"Oh and you would know that, wouldn't you," Hater said bitterly.

He hated that it was probably entirely the truth.

"Yup! I don't think these folks know _anything_ 'bout the galaxies so we're probably really neat to them, you see."

"That's stupid," Hater said without any real feeling behind.

Out of reluctant curiosity, he pointed his finger at an open bit of ground, giving it a quick zap with his powers. Nearly all eyes turned to the smouldering dirt, followed by a chorus of ooh's of which Hater could at least understand the gist.

The Qoworions seemed to be awed by lightning and fire.

Wander broke out into a brilliant grin. He turned towards the group and said something in that indistinguishable language, which garnered another few noises of wonder. He then pointed to Hater and said another handful of sounds. Hater was once again subjected to the tiny peoples' stares.

"Um. What did you say?" he asked defensively. "It better not have been anything uncool."

"Oh pshh, I would do nothin' of the sort." Wander slid back up towards him. "I was just telling these folks that you are a one-of-a kind electrical skeleton man."

Hater thought about that for a moment. "Good." He thought about it a little more, which was a lot of thinking for him. "Wait, how are you even speaking this weird language. I thought you said they were, um, undiscovered?" He brain hurt.

"Oh, that?" Wander chuckled happily. "Well you see, language is actually one of my specialties! It's like a lot of lil' things all piled together. Take these folks here, it seems like their phonemes are actually quiet similar to Wve'phein triads, which wow! Who'd have known!? Must be because of their anatomical vocular structure, which is really neato when ya' think–"

"Okay OKAY, STOP!" Hater practically yelled. What the heck. And here he thought only Peepers could nerd-talk that badly. "You've done this for a long time, I literally don't care." A pause. "Do they think I'm cool?"

Wander grinned widely despite having been interrupted. "Yes! Very cool!"

"Ahah FINALLY!" he said, which he almost immediately regretted because it made it sound as if no one had ever found him cool before. Which was just preposterous. He turned his attention to the wide-eyed crowd. "Okay puny citizens, bask in awe at your new ruler! I can make _lightning_!"

He did a few tricks. Let his lightning spark around. Zapped a few piles of dried leaves the Qoworions had happily gathered for him. He finally let a couple of the aliens poke at his gloves, which they seemed so fond of. Wander smiled and laughed and chattered in the Qoworion language. Hater stubbornly refused to call it anywhere close to _fun_ , because anything with Wander immediately required the categorization of stupid and dumb. But Wander offhandedly mentioned at one point between two sets of lighting-leaves-on-fire that this was the best species discovery he'd had in a long time.

Hater kind of wanted to ask him how long, but didn't.

He had leaves to set fire to. And anyways, this was his _first_ species discovery, so he might as well put some effort into it. There would be time to ask stupid questions later.

 

.

. .

. . .

###  **5.4 Wander**

Wander was perplexed. Slightly. Because this was new. And not much in his life could realistically be qualified as _new_ anymore. If he had to be completely honest, he had become a little unaccustomed to dealing with _new_ , much to his dismay. There were only so many times he could enter a new galaxy, reform a villain or help out a friend, and well. Move on. Before it became routine.

But then _this_ happened. Caught somewhere between the villain reformation and moving on, he had somehow been – for lack of a better expression – "found out".

It wasn't the first time it had happened, but it was definitely one of the strangest.

He hadn't even _told_ them.

And Wander wasn't entirely certain which of the three had found out first. None of them had ever actually asked _the_ question, which is really where the perplexing side of things came into play. They just suddenly seemed to... know. All three of them. About him. About his life, or rather, his abundance of it.

And then life had just sort of... gone on.

Which was strange. But Wander was more than happy to go along with it. He loved his friends, loved living in the moment, and the fact that they didn't seem overly hung up on his past was actually quite liberating.

He was sure the question would come, eventually. Maybe in the middle of a conversation. Maybe in the middle of the night. But knowing that his friends didn't find the answer particularly momentous would make the answer – the same as it had always been – a little easier.

Because the answer was...

. . .

###  **5.5 End**

"I don't know."

Sylvia blinked. Peepers frowned. Hater rolled his eyes and looked away. Wander took the reactions in stride and waited patiently for the first response.

"Figures." It was from Hater, who sounded entirely unimpressed. "Only an idiot like you could forget his own age."

Wander gave Hater a bewildered smile. "Well now, it's not like that. It's just hard to keep count if ya' don't know where to start or what to count by."

"What?" That was Peepers.

"I said that it can be a lil' hard when–"

"I know what you said!" Peepers waved his little hands around all flustered-like. "What do you mean by _what to count by?_ Years! You count by _years_."

"Yeah, stupid." Hater again. "What do _you_ count by? _Smiles?_ Are you like one thousand smiles old or something stupid like that? _Gross_."

"Aww Hater, that would be adorable!" Wander gushed, maybe just a little over-dramatically. "But I can't say I know my age in smiles either. I mean, there's just been so many!"

Hater scowled and Wander just smiled brighter.

"Buddy." Sylvia, this time. Wander was a little surprised she been so quiet up until now. He turned his brilliant smile smile on her, happy to hear her side of things.

Seeing she had his attention, Sylvia sighed. Peepers was standing next to her with his arms crossed. They looked quite the pair. "What have you been counting your age by?" she asked.

Ah. Right back to the matter at hand. Wander hummed and rocked back on his heels. He would have to think about this one.

"Well, nothing, really," he said after a moment. He stared past his friends at the surrounding night sky. This planet really was quite breath-taking. He was so glad all his friends had decided to come. The festival here was truly something to behold.

Oh! He had an idea.

"The festival!" he said suddenly, interrupting what would have been another question from Peepers. "When does it happen?"

"Um," said both Peepers and Hater nearly simultaneously.

Well, Wander had probably deserved that reaction. It hadn't been the smoothest change of subject, but that was okay. He focused his attention on Sylvia, hoping for an answer.

She also looked a little lost, but managed a reply anyways. "Uh well. You said it occurs every... Altintide?"

"You got it!" Wander exclaimed happily. And then, leaning towards Hater and Peepers he added, "I'm really so happy you two were able to make it. The A'notiols have such pretty festivals, "

Hater looked absolutely insulted and Peepers seemed to be keeping his patience by a mere thread. 

"We were only here for _reconnaissance_ , and what does this have to do with anything!?" Peepers exclaimed, very much annoyed.

Wander clasped his hands in front of him. "When does Altintide happen, mister Peepers?"

"I don't care! Some odd number of..." He trailed off, and Wander could see the realization coloring his eye. " _Oh_."

"Wait, what?" Hater again, and Wander couldn't help the small laugh at his confusion. "I don't get it! What did you figure out!?"

"They don't have years here?" Peepers asked.

"No," Wander said. "They have a sort of equivalent I suppose. The alti. It's a little longer. I'm not sure by exactly how much." He then looked down their small hill to the crowds of A'notiols celebrating the festival. "Altintide happens every ten alti's. So, say I were to stay here for a while, helpin' some folks out, well then I might get accustomed to that. To their alti's."

He looked back to his small group. At this point Hater was the only one still looking confused. Wander decided to take pity on him. "A year isn't the only measurement of age. It's just... one of many ways to divide the span of a life. I've been to a lot of places, with a lot of different types of years. Any anyways, it never really felt important to keep track. The present if where the important stuff is happening, after all."

His words were met with silence, and Wander smiled. It was rare to have these three forces of nature all quiet at the same time. Actually.

He looked at Sylvia.

"Hey Syl, you've been awfully quiet." He took in the slight press of her lips and the lowered brows. "You alright?"

"Hm, oh? Yeah, no I'm fine." She didn't sound fine. He moved right next to her and she looked at him for a long moment before taking a deep breath. "It's nothing, I've just been... thinking. Putting things into perspective."

"Oh?" Wander slid over to Sylvia. "Perspective how?"

She smiled. "It's no big deal buddy, don't worry yourself about it." She pulled him into a hug, which Wander was grateful for because hugs never got old and Sylvia was a great hugger.

They talked some more, the four of them, while the sounds of the Altintide festival chimed in the distance. There was the usual trade of insults (though not on Wander's part), a couple of questions, and the few answers Wander had to give. No matter what Peepers seemed to believe, Wander really _didn't_ have first-hand experience with every important historical event ever. That didn't stop him from asking. Hater pretended to find the whole thing intensely boring, if only to complain, and Sylvia remained relatively withdrawn.

It was with a smile and a sleepy wave that they parted ways. Wander and Sylvia headed off into night. Wander, for his part, was thrilled. Not only had the four of them spent a significant amount of time together _without_ fighting, but they had also gotten past this small 'age' hurdle with very little fuss.

He gazed out to the stars, warm and content inside the orbal bubble.

"Hey buddy?"

Wander blinked. He looked to Sylvia. The orbal bubble's steady pace slowed some as she turned her head to face him side on.

"What is it Syl?" he said, smiling warmly.

Sylvia smiled in return, though hers looked a little stilted. "That perspective thing," she started, "back at that planet. I was... I was thinking about something."

Wander hummed. "Yeah? What about?"

"Well... I was just. You were saying all these things, about living so long. And I was thinking that you must have really done this a lot, you know?"

Wander nodded, wrapping his arms around Sylvia's neck and leaning into her as an approximation of a hug.

"And well," Sylvia continued. "I couldn't help but think that you probably... That you probably don't need..." She suddenly shook her head, looking away. "Ah, you know what, never mind. It doesn't really matter."

Wander blinked once, then pursed his lips. "Syl?"

"No really, it's no big deal."

He slide off her back altogether, and the orbal bubble came to a complete stop. "Sylvia if something's bothering ya', please let me help."

"It's stupid, really."

"It's not stupid if it's been givin' ya' troubles."

Sylvia sighed and put her hands on his shoulders. "Look, I've just been a little worried that you might not really need me, okay?"

Wander blinked a couple times, entirely taken-aback. "Why would you think that?"

Sylvia looked away. "I told you, it's stupid."

"Of _course_ I need you, Syl!" Wander professed. "Where would I be without my best pal?"

"Based on what I've heard, wandering somewhere else, probably."

The surprise faded and realization set in. "Oh," Wander said.

She had put together all of the pieces quiet quickly to have made it to this conclusion, and she wasn't wrong. But she wasn't entirely right either. Sylvia was still looking away, and Wander slid into the circle of Sylvia's arms gave her the best hug he had.

"That may be so," he said. "But it wouldn't be as Wander."

Sylvia hugged him back, arms wrapping around his small back. "What do you mean?"

He smiled even though she couldn't see it. "You probably don't remember it, but you gave me this name. I'd had a different one before, and a different before that."

"Really?" she asked, voice just a touch watery.

"Yep," Wander laughed lightly. "The very first time we met. You called me a wandering weirdo. And I loved it. Wander, I thought, how fitting. I've had many different names, you know. Different lives." He tried to keep his tone light, because he knew how much Sylvia hated to see him cry. "But this life is Wander, and... and of course Wander needs Sylvia. Don't you ever believe otherwise." He gave a small sniffle. "I wouldn't be Wander without you."

Sylvia said nothing except a small, "Oh." It was quickly followed but a smothered hiccup because like him, Wander was sure Sylvia was holding back tears.

They stayed that way for a while, just holding each other. Eventually Sylvia took a deep breath, patted him on the back, and hoisted him back up on her saddle.

"Right well, Wander," she said, just a little stiffly. "You need me. Good." She coughed, once. "And now I'm pretty sure I need sleep."

Wander blinked slowly, even as he wiped his eyes. He was surprised at just how tired he was. All the same, he gave a small laugh and a smile. "Sounds good, pal."

And then, because he had actually been in these parts before and kind of knew where they were: "There's a cute lil' planet just in around those stars there. We should go there."

"You been there recently, bud?"

"Just few alti's ago."

"That works for me."

They headed off into space, together, Wander and Sylvia. And Wander was infinitely happy he got to spend this life together with his best pal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap folks. Thank you for sticking with me. I really like this concept and loved exploring it a bit with these mini-stories. Lots of this is just my own head-canon for Wander, given that he's actually quite the mysterious fellow, but if you found it enjoyable then I'm happy. 
> 
> I haven't really been replying to questions in the comments (sorry), but now that this is all done I'll be more than happy to engage a bit more. Thanks for all the wonderful words! You folks are awesome. :)


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